These New Spinner/Fidget Things Are So Stupid…

You’ve seen them. You’ve probably used one. All I know is that they’re stupid, and for people with zero coping abilities or people who can’t sit still. I think.

$_58Outside looking in, I see these kids who are like 7 through 14 using them and think of how stupid they look. My idiot brother brought one to our mother’s day lunch and I just trashed him for like 20 minutes over it. Not kidding. Then I saw him do this one finger thing where he held the thing up and spun it and I was so genuinely impressed I needed to try and do it.

I did it for like 3 seconds before I realized everyone was looking at me… since I was just hurling loads of turd on the idea of someone using them. It was entertaining, at least I think. Not going to lie on that one. I used it simply to prove I could do the stupid one finger trick and that was it. I won’t do it again because I don’t want to look like the 13 year old child of a parent who doesn’t pay attention to their kid. Speaking of parents and these dumb things, my dad has like 4 of them at work I heard him say he wants more. You can’t make this stuff up.
I don’t care who you are, you look like an idiot spinning these little dumb things with all the flashing lights and moving parts. And I think all those stupid fidget toys make you look like a dumbass in public too (you thought I would forget about you fidgety people). But keep doing you I guess. Besides, although you think you’re with the times, you’re not… you’re like 10 years behind. We have been spinning extra roller blade wheels like that forever after street hockey games.

Get with it.


So my final thoughts are these: Are they entertaining? only if you’re attention span is that of a 4 year old. Is it fun to balance on one finger? without a doubt. Do i think my last answer nullifies my entire post? Absolutely not. You still look dumb paying attention to that thing the same way that you look dumb walking around with your head in your phone.


Ill try that trick again though.. for sure…. But I won’t like it. I think.




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  1. I saw an albino selling those from a mall kiosk yesterday. So weird. Tried to get a picture of him so I could make fun of him with my friends later but he knew I was staring. My 9 yr old sons had zero interest so they must suck

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