Tiger Woods was arrested over the weekend for DUI, another sad chapter in the pathetic downfall of a legend. At one point in his career the golf debate was whether or not Tiger would break the all time record. We all assumed it was Jack Nicklaus’s record being referring to; then Tiger’s sex life became public fodder and it turned out to be Wilt Chamberlain’s record he was taking a stab at. Woods publicly admitted he “suffered” from a sex addiction that led to him getting laid about 50 times a week. I recall it being the only illness I’ve ever read about that caused me to exclaim, “How the %$$ do I get that? I don’t want a mild case of it either; I want to be stricken with this shit.”
Tiger got himself back together but was never the same golfer. This weekend he again turned his life into a punch line. The police report stated that after pulling Woods over “he began acting arrogant.” I assume the transcript was cut off and the full version reads “Woods began acting arrogant in 1995.” Woods refused to take a breathalyzer test which results in an automatic loss of license – or in Tiger Woods’ case, free limousine rides for the next year.
Woods released a statement claiming that “alcohol was not involved… I took a bad mix of prescription drugs.” A mix which apparently forces a person to wake up at 3:00 AM, stumble out to their car and then drive through the neighborhood swerving all over the road knocking a bunch of shit over. Woods went on to say, “It will not happen again.” I believe him at least for the next year since he won’t be driving.