Everything Else

SECTARIAN SKITTLES

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Skittles, a product that will rot your teeth out and send your sugar levels soaring into the mid-hundreds, has removed all the colors from their bags of junk during Pride Month to show solidarity for the gay, lesbian, transgender movement.  Because we all know when kids are pouring bags of this shit down their pieholes and then lapsing into diabetic comas, they also want to make strong political and social statements.  If there is ever such a thing as Health Month, hopefully the Skittles company will honor that by removing the candy from its bags and do every child a favor by selling vacuum sealed packages of nothing.

For the second year in a row, Wrigley’s disgusting, hard to chew, impossible to not feel sick after eating candy is making a statement. The limited-edition bag (collect all one) is completely lacking color, and the back of the package reads, “During Pride, only one rainbow matters. So we’ve given up ours to show support.”  The candies for the month of Pride are all white.  The public, never ones to shy away from pathetic accusations, is now tweeting that Skittles is a racist company, as the bags contain no black skittles.  Yes, that is the first thing I thought of when I saw an all white candy.  A candy company with an intense hatred of black people.  Skittles might want to point out that the lettering on the white bag is..ahem, black.   And that although the candies are white, they are small, like white people in certain areas of the body.  And when you eat them, they don’t last long, like white people in certain rooms of the house.

I’m not about to run out and buy a conventional bag of this garbage, but I don’t recall ever downing a brown Skittle either, so apparently Latinos and Indians are not welcome at Skittles Inc. either.  The fine folks at Necco Wafers are breathing a sigh of relief that they have a black liquorice wafer in their roll which should keep the hounds at bay. Chocolate companies are feeling pretty safe as well today.  Good and Plenty Candy, Sour Patch Kids and Mentos were unavailable for comment.  In a related story, the stock in the company that makes black candy dye skyrocketed today.

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Categories: Everything Else

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