MMA FIGHTER DEFECATES DURING MATCH

A now infamous UFC fighter crapped her pants in the ring, or more accurately all over the ring, in her bout last Sunday night.

Her name is Justine Kish, her last name being eponymous with the noise her rectum made as fecal matter literally kished out of her ass and on to her tights, opponent, and the octagon. This has never happened in any known instance in sports history. Justine did not tap out en route to losing the match, she “shat” out.

Justine was in a rear choke hold, and in attempting to get out, or possibly in an attempt to get a sponsorship from UPS, lost control of her bowels. Lost control might be a tame term. Her innards detonated. I had to watch the replay to bring some light to what happened. When I read that she was in a rear naked choke hold I assumed the hold was applied to her naked rear end, which might explain her shitting. However, the choke hold was applied up around the neck area, which causes one to struggle to breathe, but has absolutely nothing to do with the sphincter opening its floodgates. Afterward Kish joked about the situation saying, “I am a warrior, and I will never quit #ShitHappens haha be back soon.”

I have two issues with this, first off you don’t claim to be a warrior after shitting all over the battlefield. Warriors kill their enemies and then walk off into the sunset. Kish crapped, lost her battle, then duck-walked to the women’s room while janitors gathered behind her to discuss a raise. Secondly, her opponent who got shit upon could forgive Justine and say “shit happens”. The person who does the shitting, in this case Kish, doesn’t get to toss out that blurb like it’s no big deal. Hopefully there’s no rematch coming.

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