Beyond the Wall: Your weekly “Game of Thrones” recap: 7×02 “Stormborn”.

“I believe there is another…”

The hype is real ladies and gents. After a “meh” season opener last week that acted as one big hour long “previously on Game of Thrones“, we got action, violence, sex, and witty remarks from Tyrion, everything that makes a great episode of Game of Thrones.

Last week’s episode was definitely intriguing, as it raised a lot of questions about the upcoming season. Will Arya end up back home in Winterfell, or head to King’s Landing? Will the rift between Jon and Sansa continue? And most importantly, are we going to see Sam do something disgusting every week now? Because if so, I’m totally down, at least he’s doing something interesting.

One question that lingered after the final moments of last week’s premiere was what is Daenerys’ plan? Would she immediately attack King’s Landing? After all, as Yara Greyjoy said, “We have an army, a fleet, and three dragons”. However, Daenerys directly attacking King’s Landing would cause utter chaos. We saw Cersei this week with Qyburn in the cellar of The Red Keep. Qyburn introduced Cersei to a friggin huge crossbow lookin’ thing that she would then shoot directly through the long dead skull of Balerion, Aegon Targaryen’s largest dragon. Cersei is preparing for Daenerys. As Tyrion said, Daenerys could easily conquer Westeros, however, she does not intend to be the Queen of the ashes.

So, what is the Justice League of Westeros planning? Once joined by the Greyjoy siblings, Ellaria Sand, and everybody’s favorite battle axe Olenna Tyrell, a plan is put into motion. The fact that they would not be attacking King’s Landing did not sit well with Yara and Ellaria at first, with Ellaria snarling “It’s called war, if you don’t have the stomach for it, scurry back into hiding”. To which Tyrion quipped back “I know how you wage war, we don’t poison little girls here” (In reference to Ellaria poisoning and killing Tyrion’s niece Marcella). BOOOOM FUCK HER UP TYRION. Anyway, Tyrion would go on to explain that the Tyrell army alongside the Dornish will surround King’s Landing. Tyrion then drops the mic when he explains that Grey Worm will lead the unsullied army to take Casterly Rock, the seat of Lannister power for years, as the entire room sits in silence shitting themselves at the badassery of this plan.

Hey, speaking of Grey Worm, GOOD FOR YOU BUD! The dude just got with Missandei and he don’t even got a dick. I feel kind of ashamed that I never noticed how gorgeous Nathalie Emmanuel is until she took her clothes off. I guess that’s how it works, right? No? Anyway…

Dany got a visit from an unexpected someone this week. The Red Woman herself, Melisandre (Who I always thought was gorgeous, she didn’t have to take her clothes off, alright I’m digging myself into a hole here, moving on). The witch explains to Dany that “the prince who was promised will bring the dawn”. To which Missandei corrects Dany’s translation, which is actually “The prince or princess who was promised will bring the dawn”. The balls on Missandei huh? Melisandre explains that she believes Dany has a role to play, as does the King in the North, Jon Snow. Just hearing Dany say the name “Jon Snow” is UNREAL as we have waited six seasons for this.

However, here is my problem with this. Melisandre speaks of the prophecy and even admits how dangerous they can be. Why should anyone trust Melisandre and the Lord of Light? Varys even pointed out that things did not go well for someone else that she served who wanted the Iron Throne. She-…uh *sniffs*…she…fuck I’m sorry. THEY JUST KEEP BRINGING UP STANNIS AND I CAN’T GET OVER HIS DEATH. HE WAS THE ONE TRUE KING AND NOW HE’S GONE…..phew, alright, sorry bout that. My point is, the Lord of Light said Stannis would be king. That was not true. Why should we believe this prophecy?

Speaking of Jon Snow, let’s talk about what is brewing up North, because it is actually the most intriguing storyline for me so far. Not to get sidetracked, but because there are only so many episodes left in the series, it really feels like there are less storylines than ever before. Early on in the series, it can be overwhelming keeping track of who is who and what is going on. Now that we are nearing the end, there are only a few storylines, and those few are eventually all going to come together into one big one, and I can’t fucking wait. Alright, back to Winterfell.

Jon received a raven from Dany inviting him to Dragonstone. After receiving one message, he receives a second message from Sam, informing Jon about the mountain of dragon glass hidden underneath Dragonstone. If Jon was not going to go to Dragonstone before, Sam’s message certainly changed his mind. Jon informs those in the North of the dragon glass, explaining that it needs to be made into weapons in order to defeat the White Walkers and the Army of the Dead. Jon reluctantly tells about the letter from Dany, much to the chagrin of the North. Everyone disagrees, including Lady Mormont, and more importantly, Sansa. That is until Jon leaves her in charge of the North until he returns and OMG THE LOOK ON LITTLEFINGER’S FACE WHEN JON SAID THAT.

Okay, if you know me, you know this. I love Petyr Baelish. He is the smartest character on the show, and in my opinion, he NEEDS to make it until the end of the show and even sit on the Iron Throne just for a tad. After the meeting in which Sansa is placed in charge, Littlefinger pays Jon a visit in the crypts. This scene made me very happy. One, Littlefinger finally pointed out that Jon never thanked him for saving his pasty ass during the Battle of the Bastards. Two, while watching Jon strangle Littlefinger after he professed his love for Sansa was tough, this can only mean good things for Littlefinger fans. This storyline is so intriguing to me not just because it involves Littlefinger, but because it can go in so many different directions. This may be me being optimistic here, but I pray, dear lord do I PRAY, that there is something big in store for Littlefinger later on. I really hope they didn’t ruin his character by making him dumb enough to fall to Sansa’s newly found “wit”. Personally, I think either he will A) Send someone(s) to kill Jon before he can return or B) pull the Vale out of Winterfell if the Starks continue to disrespect him. I’ll end with this on this storyline. Littlefinger had a scene with Cersei a few seasons ago in which he asked him if King’s Landing were to ever be under attack, would he protect the crown with the Vale, to which Baelish responded that he lives to serve the crown. Littlefinger very well may still be working with Cersei. It may only be a matter of time before the Knights of the Vale take over.

When the creepy mockingbird guy hits on your sister and your dead mother.
Lastly, let’s talk a little about that fucking rad ending scene. Obviously not the biggest or best battle by any means on the show (I still prefer Blackwater to Battle of the Bastards btw bc Stannis duh), but this scene showed that things may not go so smoothly for Dany after all. While traveling back to Dorne with Ellaria and the Sand Snakes, Yara and Theon’s ships came under attack by crazy Uncle Euron. Euron and his men came out fireballs a blazin’ and took down those ships no problemo, killing the Sand Snakes in the process with the exception of Ellaria THANK GAWD. One of the most talked about scenes came at the end when Euron had a knife to Yara’s neck, reeling Theon in to come save her. I gotta say, Alfie Allen as Theon is one of the more underrated performances on the show. Theon truly is a broken man. He hopped overboard, while his Uncle laughed away. Still though, that’s the right move, right? If he took a step forward he and Yara probs would have been dead. So, looks like Euron will be bringing two gifts to Cersei after all.

Well, I didn’t think I would type this much, hopefully you’re still reading, and if you are, thanks! This was an immense step forward from last weeks premiere. The wait between episodes is grueling (This is my first time experiencing it, I binged the show last Summer in two weeks). I did not get to every scene this week as this would have been longer than any of the books so check out my brief comments below about some scenes I did not talk about. Thank you very much for reading! See you next week for “The Queen’s Justice”! PEACE!

More Shit:

  • Man, I really hope Jorah makes it out of this okay. One of the few good men in Westeros.
  • That transition scene from Jorah’s pussy surgery to Pot Pie was perfect.
  • HOT PIE!
  • Arya reuniting (kinda) with Nymeria was interesting. The “That’s not you” line was an awesome parallel to her line “That’s not me” back in season 1, referring to her turning down Ned’s proposal of her becoming a princess in a castle. Arya asked Nymeria to leave her pack and go to Winterfell with Arya, but as she realized, that’s not her.
  • Want to trigger me? Chew like Arya did in that scene with Hot Pie.
  • People need to stop saying “Bend the knee”, that was Stannis’ thing.
  • Olenna’s “Be a dragon” line could be interesting soon. Perhaps it will cause Dany to not listen to Tyrion’s council to trust Jon…
  • Dany bitching out Varys was an awesome scene because we have never quite seen Varys up against a wall, and damn did he hold his own.
  • Phenomenal acting all around.

 

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