Red Sox Choke, Yankees Reclaim Title of “Most Smug Bastards in Baseball”

I’m a pretty mellow person, except when it comes to baseball.  Come to a game with me and watch me yell, swear, and have zero tolerance for failure.  Basically, behavior my grandmother calls “unbecoming for a young lady.” Fuck that.

As if tonight’s loss to the Yankees didn’t sting enough, those Big Apple assholes posted such an obnoxious tweet that I’m considering going outside and punching a tree.

Honestly, shut the fuck up, New York.  I’ll put aside for the moment the fact that your team is so unenjoyable to watch and that you’re the stuffy, wealthy old codger of the MLB who screams ‘pretentious’ even louder than my Ivy League education.  Winning > dancing?  If your players danced when they won, they’d do the Foxtrot through the outfield, like the lame Camp Tigerclaw campers they really are.

So instead, let’s talk about your performance lately.  You just lost four games in a row like, a week ago.  You’ve lost six out of ten games this month.  Your prize player, Aaron Judge, struck out in a franchise record twenty-seven games.  So congrats on finally winning one, mostly due to our players being idiots and not so much your players being good.  Insert sarcastic clapping emoji here.  Speaking of good, good luck facing CHRIS FREAKING SALE this weekend.

If anyone needs me, I’ll be angry-tweeting and rewatching the 2004 ALCS highlights until I calm down.

– GS


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