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Beyond the Wall: Your weekly “Game of Thrones” recap: 7×07 “The Dragon and the Wolf”

“The lone wolf dies, but the pack survives.”

Well. It happened. Both of them. Both things I did not want to happen, happened, and I continue to sit in the fetal position saying “It’s just a show, it’s just a show, it’s just a show”, all night.

Besides the two events which I will get into in a bit, this episode was terrific and a great cap to a pretty good season. It is interesting because this episode did not really feel particularly like a finale because every episode so far this season has sort of felt that way. With now only SIX episodes left in the Game of Thrones story, this season while pretty rushed always felt like we were gearing for the end and always had a finale feel to it. So, let’s get this out-of-the-way, let’s head to..

Winterfell

My worst fear has come true. Petyr Baelish, the man who has been behind most of the major events in this show, has been outsmarted by Sansa and Arya Stark. It disappoints me, but also I try to see the side of how this is justified. Littlefinger has put the Stark family through hell, so it is only right that his end came at the hands of the last three remaining Stark family members. Sansa and Arya have learned from some of the best in the game. Sansa spent seasons with Cersei and then of course Baelish. And Arya spent time with Tywin Lannister, The Hound, and of course trained to be a faceless man. Side note: It was kind of cool to hear Sansa and Baelish talk about the faceless men and how Baelish actually was aware of it, given he had a grandfather who grew up in Braavos.

Anyway, what we have been seeing the past few weeks has all been smoke and mirrors. Arya and Sansa were playing Littlefinger and it finally came to a head this week. Although, he could have died in like episode three if Bran decided to talk sooner. Although it does seem a little confusing to me because it is kind of risky for Arya and Sansa to just assume that Baelish is lurking while they fake argue. I can only assume that they actually did argue at some points and then Bran told them what was up off-screen (A scene that would have been awesome to see). We got one last occurrence of some great Littlefinger manipulation when he talked about the game he liked to play in which you assume the worst in people (which I can relate to strongly). But alas, Sansa did not fall for it, and instead of the trial of Arya Stark, we get the trial of Petyr Baelish. And he was found very guilty.

While this sucked, well for me while everyone else celebrated, it was a great great scene. All of the Starks coming together to kill their longtime foe.  Benioff and Weiss stated that when they wrote this they were so excited to see it played out because we got to see Baelish in a scenario we have never seen him before; not in control, and literally crying and begging for his life. My buddy texted me saying “Baelish went out like a crying bitch”. And yeah, he begged for his life, but it wasn’t like he was crying just to cry. In his last moments he says he loved Sansa one more time, and I really do believe him, and so does Sansa as she says later. Of course, those may have been crocodile tears anyway.

This scene was one big recap of why we are where we are.

Sansa: “Do you deny it?”
LF: “I deny it! None of you were there, none of you saw what happened!”
Bran: “You held a knife to his throat. You were so beautiful that night.”

Aiden Gillen was AMAZING in this scene. He went from confident, to confused, to confident again, to worried, to tears in a matter of about three minutes. The look and slight head movement once he knows the end is here in kind of “please no” way was master acting. He realized that everything he had worked for the past seven seasons has been for nothing. And of course his last word, which was pretty obvious, was “Sansa” (or Shansha). One of my favorite things about Littlefinger’s character is that no viewer was ever really split on him. You only really heard two opinions:

One: “Ugh I can’t wait for that creep to fucking die”.
Two: “That guy needs to sit on the throne, best character on the show”.

Unfortunately, I was number two. Being a Littlefinger fan is like being a Colts fan in New England. Not a lot of sympathy from those around you when the entity you root for goes down.

All in all, it was a great scene with a remarkable performance from Aiden Gillan. Now, I hate to bitch, but I will say all in all this was a disappointing final season for Littlefinger. For a guy who literally was behind every conflict in this show (as Sansa explained), he deserved a better send off. Unfortunately the main story of this season was down South, and I don’t quite mean that boat scene *rolls eyes*.

Like, why didn’t he leave the second Bran said “chaos is a ladder”? Benioff and Weiss are prone to butchering characters since they lost material from the books (See Stannis Baratheon #RIP), and they didn’t quite butcher Baelish’s character, but they came close. Littlefinger’s speech about predicting everything seems pointless now that he could not even see that MAAAYBE his plan to turn sisters against one another wouldn’t work. Why couldn’t the smartest man on the show (save for maybe Varys or Tywin) see that he may be in danger once seeing how deadly Arya can be against someone like Brienne? Oh weeeell. I always pictured him on the Iron Throne for like five minutes before finally being killed in the final season. I thought that would have been a great send off for his character; getting what he wants but it being short-lived and for nothing. But hey, it’s just a show…right?

Thank you Aiden Gillan for seven wonderful seasons of playing the best villain on the show. The Laddah has fallen. #RIP

The look of a man who deserved better #RIP

King’s Landing

Now we head down South where the writers really want us to focus our attention. We head to King’s Landing where LITERALLY every other character on the show is. It is actually pretty surreal to see. There are some really great reunions, such as Bronn and Tyrion:

Tyrion: “It’s good to see you again.”
Bronn: “Aye, you too, cunt.”

We even got a great reunion between The Hound and Brienne of (fucking) Tarth. There is clearly some mutual respect between the two as Sandor has been pretty open about being defeated by a woman. The two talk about how Arya is alive and safe like a couple of two proud divorced parents. We arrive at the Dragon pit for this monumental meeting of characters. We have Jon joined by Tyrion, the Hound, Brienne, Reek Theon, Missandei, Varys, Jorah, and DAVOS MOFUGGIN SEAWORTH! And in the other corner we have Cersei joined by Jaime, Qyburn, The Mountain, and Euron Greyjoy. Man, this is insane to see.

Any chance there is wildfire under the pit that kills everyone giving Baelish an opening to be king? No? Sad.

Dany flies in on Drogon just to remind everyone that she has three drago- oooooh too soon? I wonder if the bad guys were wondering where the third dragon was.

Cersei: *Dany sits down* “We’ve been here for some time”
Davos: “Scuse me yer grece we’ve literally been setting here for five seconds.”

Euron interruptus the beginning of the meeting, telling Theon to surrender to him if he wants to see Yara alive again. To which Cersei, Jaime, Tyrion, and everyone watching at home says “sit the fuck down”.

Jon and Tyrion tell Cersei that the army of the dead is coming, and she says “Lol so?”. So, the Hound brings out the captured wight that charges right for Cersei, and the Mountain didn’t even stand in front of her to protect her lol. The Hound cuts the zombie in half, to which it still survives. Hound then cuts off a hand, and Qyburn stands up revealing a ginormous hard on. Jon demonstrates that the wight can be destroyed with fire, or dragon glass. Cersei is scared shitless, which is fun to see. We’ve seen Baelish on his knees in tears this episode, and Cersei scared as fuck.

Euron asks if they can swim, to which Jon says no. THEN HOW THE FUCK DID THEY GET CHAINS ON VISERION?

Anyway, Euron says fuck this shit I’m out, if you actually believe him. Cersei agrees to a truce. However, she requests that Jon Snow stay out of the war between her and Dany after the army of the dead is defeated. Jon says that he cannot as he as already bent the knee to Dany and Littlefinger is rolling in his newly dug grave because apparently Jon cannot tell a lie. So, Cersei rescinds her agreement and storms off. Lol you still know nothing Jon Snow.

Davos: “Wish you wouldn’t have done that…”

You FUCKING tell him Davos.

Jon: “I’m not going to swear an oath I cannot uphold.”

Yeah, Jon? How’d your Night’s Watch oath go?

Tyrion heads to Cersei’s chambers to try to reason with her and get her to change her mind. And Jesus, what a phenomenal scene. The chemistry between Peter Dinklage and Lena Heady is amazing. The back and forth is some of the best of the season. Cersei goes on about how Tyrion sucks. She mentions him murdering Tywin, which in result caused the deaths of Marcella and Tommen in her mind. Tyrion calls her bluff by telling her to have him executed by the Mountain, which she cannot go through with. Then Cersei just coincidently and not subtlety at all touches her stomach, to which Tyrion calls out that she is pregnant.

Back in the Dragon Pit, Jon and Dany are talking about how they are going to bone later. Suddenly, Tyrion returns to the pit, alive. And soon followed by Cersei and her men. Cersei suddenly becomes a good guy and says she will help. Ha, yeah right.

Cersei walks by Jaime and calls him the stupidest Lannister to which Jaime and everyone watching are like “bitch WTF?”. And of course, Cersei reveals that she will say whatever she needs to win this war. She doesn’t trust Tyrion, she doesn’t trust Jon, and she doesn’t trust Dany. Jaime retorts with some common sense, which Cersei does not seem to understand:

Jaime: “If the dead win, they march South, and kill us all. If the living win, and we’ve betrayed them, they march South, and kill us all!” 

Jaime tells her he faced the Dothraki and they cannot be defeated, especially with three more dragons. To which Cersei asks what happened to the third one. OOOOOH BITCH WAIT TILL YOU SEE!

Cersei tells Jaime about the Iron Bank and how they have leant Cersei the Golden Company; an army of 20,000 men, horses, and…elephants? What the fuck are elephants going to do against Dothraki or dragons? Cersei then revealed that Euron did not take off to the Iron Islands, he went to Essos to bring the Golden Company to Westeros to win the war. Jaime says he is going to keep his oath and fight in the North. Fuck. Yes. I want to see Jaime kill the Night King SOOO BAD. This next scene had me holding my breath more than the Baelish scene because I did not see this one coming. Cersei tells Jaime that no one walks away from her. He tells her he is all she has left. She disagrees, so he tells her to have him killed. Cersei nods and The Mountain draws his sword. I really thought Jaime was a goner. He is now my favorite character with Baelish gone and I would not have been able to take both of their deaths in the same episode. But alas, Jaime still has those gigantic Valyrian steel balls of his we saw in the Loot Train battle, and he walks away from his Queen.

Jaime rides North, now in gear that looks pretty similar to Stark armor. Snow begins to fall in King’s Landing. Winter is here. Hey, remember when that was the tagline for this season? Lol, JK see you next season. Let’s briefly head to…

Dragonstone.

The good guys make it back to Dragonstone in which seems like an hour. Jon and Dany and the rest discuss that they need allies in the North, which may be tough for Dany because she is not well liked in the North. Jon slyly suggests that he and Dany should sail there together, while Ser Cockblock Jorah suggests Dany fly. Dany agrees to sail with Jon and we see Jorah with the face of a young boy who just found out his crush boned the football captain. Alright, not much happening here, just wanted to make the Jorah joke. Anyway, back to…

Winterfell

Now for the most pivotal moment of the season we are told something that…we already kind of know. Sam returns to Winterfell and meets with Bran. The two talk about the truth of Jon Snow:

Bran: “I’m the Three Eyed Raven.”
Sam: “Oh, cool, what’s that mean?”
Bran: “It means I can see everything.”

Well for fuck sake Bran why didn’t you just say that to Sansa?

Finally we hear Bran confirm that Jon Snow is the son of Rhaegar Targaryen and Lyanna Stark. Sam informs Bran that Jon is not a bastard, as there was a secret wedding.

Bran: “Are you certain?”

Thought you knew everything Bran…

We see Bran at Rhaegar and Lyanna’s wedding. He says Robert’s Rebellion was built on a lie. Lyanna was not kidnapped and raped. They both loved each other. They had a child named…Aegon Targaryen. And he is heir to the Iron motherfucking throne. Then, while Bran narrates, we finally see Jon and Dany bone. Ugh. Alright, I GET IT they don’t think they’re related so it’s normal for them. It just felt like fan service to me. Bran does a swell job reminding us that this is incest while we are watching them bone as well. This will certainly be an interesting storyline next season. Jon is heir to the throne, over his Aunt Dany. Once they both know the truth, who knows what will happen. I’m banking on Ghost Baelish killing them both with the help of Ghost Stannis. The biggest question coming out of this episode probably is what is Tyrion thinking. We see him lurking when Dany is riding Jon’s dragon, and he does not look happy. I saw a great theory on Reddit that suggests that Tyrion struck a deal with Cersei that her child would be heir to the Iron Throne. If Dany is actually able to have a child, that would throw a huge wrench in Tyrion’s plans.

Pornhub caption: “Young Aunt gets railed by four inches of her nephew.”

Eastwatch

For our final scene of the season, we have some monumental change here folks. Bran wargs into some ravens over Eastwatch. We see Tormund and Berric chilling on The Wall discussing how high up it is. Suddenly, Tormund sees the dead emerging from the woods. Shit. The horns blow, the wall is being evacuated. BUT IT’S TOO LATE! HERE COMES VISERION! BREATHING SOMETHING BLUE! IS IT FIRE STILL? WHO KNOWS? AND LOOK! THE FUCKING NIGHT KING IS RIDING HIM BETTER THAN DANY RODE JON!

This shit is downright scary. Viserion looks like he is faster as an undead dragon. Viserion blasts away and away and away at The Wall. IT IS FUCKING COLLAPSING. I wonder how the Night King commanded the dragon to breath the fire. We all know Dany has to say “Dracarys”, what does the Night King do? Eh, something that probably won’t be answered. So, not much to explain in this scene. The Night King is riding Viserion, the beast takes out a huge chunk of the wall, and a big portion of the wall collapses. It appears that Tormund and Berric are safe as they were still on the part of the wall that did not collapse. The army keeps on marching South as we head to the final season…

So like I said, barring the sex scene and the death of the most interesting character on the show (not biased teehee), this was a great finale. Not quite as impactful as last season’s finale with Cersei killing off half of the cast, but still great. We did not really learn anything new in terms of Jon Snow besides his real name, so that scene wasn’t too impactful.

This season was, in a word, pretty good. Wait, shit. I think my problem with this season was that one, it was rushed, and two, minor characters did not get to do much. Varys for example did NOTHING this season. Davos mofuggin Seaworth smuggled Gendry in, and that’s really it. Baelish’s storyline was too overshadowed by the main storyline, as Aiden Gillan has even admitted in interviews. Brienne did nothing besides “duel” with Arya. Etc. Etc. I get we are gearing towards the end, but either give your characters something to do, or kill them off. All in all, great finale, pretty good season.

Once again, I’d like to thank everyone who read these recaps. If they made you chuckle, or think about the show, or vomit, then I’ve done my job. If not, check out Barstool’s trash recaps. I’ll be back for season eight, whenever that may be. And I’ll find some show to write about. Hey, maybe I’ll recap the return of Curb your Enthusiasm next month. Who knows. Thanks guys! Peace!

EPISODE SCORE: 9.4/10 

SEASON SCORE: 8.8/10

More Shit:

  • So with six episodes left in this show, we still have to watch Theon save his sister from Euron? Fiiiine.
  • I was really hoping Jon and Theon would hug. Very nice scene between the two.
  • Seeing Theon taking pride in having no balls after being kicked there was great. Seeing him kick the shit out of that guy after was even greater.
  • I’ll say it, Jon has a nicer ass than Dany.
  • Very nice scene between Arya and Sansa at the end with one of the most endearing lines of the season: “You’re still strange and annoying”.
  • I wonder what Robin Arryn is going to do when/if he hears that Uncle Petyr was executed? Pull the Vale perhaps? Perhaps Arya will wear Baelish’s face and we’ll get more Petyr!
  • Performer of the week: Biased, but it’s Aiden Gillan. What an awesome final performance for his character. Shoutout to Lena Headey and Peter Dinklage as well for their always amazing scenes together.

 

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