A List of TV Characters That I Hate

I was lucky enough to come across this tweet and its subsequential thread on my timeline this week, and – I’m not going to lie – it brought forth a passion in me that got me hyped.

And so my list was born.

Before I start, props to all these actors. Maybe this is a really stupid take, or maybe I’m just an idiot (…or maybe both?), but there’s almost nothing like the amount of talent it takes to play a character who’s so much of a fucking shit that you actually end up despising a fictional human. I’ve lost sleep over how much I hate these characters.

So yeah, here’s a list of TV characters I hate, ranked. Feel free to add your own or nominate some more to make the list. I guess if you didn’t watch the show there might be spoilers or some shit but consider this a warning, so that’s a you problem now.

7. Lyla Garrity, Friday Night Lights (Minka Kelly)

This one usually goes one of two ways: either you completely agree, or you said “whatttt?” when you first saw this but you’ll eventually end up agreeing the more you think about it.

Where to start with Lyla. Number one, she’s one of those girls who’s in high school and just CONSTANTLY talks about getting married. Remember that couple? The high school couple that was so “in love” that they were each other’s soul mates and shit? Every group of friends has seen that couple, some more than once. Shit, I was one of those couples for a little there. I still hate myself. unbelievable. Shut up Lyla.

On top of that, you know you just wanted Street to GTFO out that relationship as soon as you first saw them together. Not only did she kinda suck at understanding the fact that he was fucking paralyzed, but SHE FUCKED HIS BEST FRIEND. And no, Riggins gets no hate for that. You simply cannot hate the greatest character in FNL. Texas Fuckin’ Forever, Timmy.

And don’t even get me started on the “holier than thou” religious shit. Worship on your own damn time.

6. Peter Campbell, Mad Men (Vincent Kartheiser)

I wasn’t sure if I should put Pete higher on this list or not. I mean, Pete fucking sucks. Not only is an insufferable douche, and not only does he cheat on his wife constantly, but when his side chick gets the living crap beat out of her, he just bails. Legit just let a woman get her shit kicked in because of him, and then drops her like a bad habit. You’ve got to lack a soul to be that horrible. Fucking Pete. The guy’s either being a total scumbag and then trying to use that against them when they’re doing the same, or he’s flaunting his stupid “do-shit-by-the-book” morals that somehow exist in the douchiest guy on the show.

And Jesus, when he just bails on his mom to let her die? Good lord. Fuck you, Pete. Go play with your rifle in your office and wish you were Don some more.

5. Debra Morgan, Dexter (Jennifer Carpenter)

I’m not going to lie, I debated putting Deb first on this list. I really, really did. But I couldn’t because as much as Deb blows and is just flat out annoying, she never really does anything to truly fuck over Dexter. There was never a moment, even when she like sorta kinda a little turned on Dex, that I thought she posed any sort of actual threat to him. She was as weak a character as she was annoying.

She’s a pretty terrible cop (literally falls in love with a god damn serial killer she’s trying to find), she cries every. single. episode. and she’s constantly talking about her boyfriends. She’s fucking Lyla Garrity all grown up with a badge and a gun. Maybe I’m alone on this one, but I always felt like there was a crowd on the internet that hated her, too. I almost wished the show ended with Dexter in that room at a table with Deb below him, wrapped in saran wrap.

If only we were so lucky.

4. Pam Beasley, The Office (Jenna Fischer)

So this is one that I have to give credit to lady Hoff for, she definitely turned me onto this one during one of our semi-regular Office watching nights. Pam kinda just bails on Roy. And the worst part is that Roy isn’t a bad dude. Like, he’s just your pretty standard dude. Yet Pam just flat out constantly flirts with and leads Jim on while she’s engaged to Roy. A little flirting here and there is healthy and all, but Beasley is like fucking Joel Embiid on an Instagram model’s comments section. She gives no fucks.  And look, Karen wasn’t anything to write home about likability wise, but don’t let the stupid “But Pam and Jim were meant for one another!” argument stop you from realizing that she was 100% on the correct side of that conflict.

On top of that, people always seem to forget that she makes Jim take a fucking blood pressure test when she thinks he’s lying about being attracted to Kathy, her replacement when she’s pregnant the second time. And she fucking grills him, only to shrivel into a ball when she realizes he has high blood pressure. C’mon. Like, the guy clearly loves you more than anything in the god damn world, Beasley. The insecurity is palpable. Get your shit together.

3. Gemma Teller Morrow, Sons of Anarchy (Katey Sagal)

This one might be a little unpopular because for some reason Gemma always seems to have the “She’s a bad bitch” argument behind her. But Gemma is super fucking manipulative. The whole reason you hate Clay is because of all the terrible shit he’s done, but he’s only done it because Gemma manipulated him into doing them. She does the exact same thing to Jax, to Bobby, to Tara, to Tig, to Wayne, to Nero, to Juice(!!!!!!), and basically every other character that appeared on screen for more than 30 seconds.

Plus, she feels some weird sense of entitlement to Jax’s kids when she’s done nothing but endanger them and everyone they’re related to. I can’t tell you how many times I screamed because Gemma would cause a problem and a character I actually enjoyed had to deal with the consequences. I’m not sure if there’s ever been another character whose death I’ve prayed for more often. Although….

2. Skylar White, Breaking Bad (Anna Gunn)

Oh. My. Fucking. God.

So, like a fucking idiot, I didn’t watch Breaking Bad when it was live on TV. I was late to the party – mainly because I was in college too stupid to appreciate what was one of the greatest television programs of all time. Anyway. I would binge this show 3-5 episodes at a time, and every single time she was on screen, I’d pray for her to die. And I mean die. In gruesome, horrible ways. Remember the last time you see Gus Fring’s face? Like, that kind of gruesome and that kind of horrible, but on steroids. Give me the Mark-McGwire-70-homers kind of steroids for that death.

Skylar is hands down the worst mother, the worst wife, and the worst person on Breaking Bad, and she’s always fucking judging everyone! Every person on that show got a fucking Skylar White Judged Me… And I Lived shirt after their scenes with her. Sometimes I wished Walt Jr would just take one of his crutches and just smack her in the fucking head with it. Ugh.

Side note: I interviewed RJ Mitte once, who plays Walt Jr, and he was a dope ass dude. That’s all.

1. Joffrey Baratheon, Game of Thrones (Jack Gleeson)

I mean, come on. If you’ve ever seen Thrones and you don’t think Joffrey is the worst character in TV history then you need to go back and rewatch because you were clearly spending too much time looking at your phone.

Joffrey murders, manipulates, screeches, screams, whines, whips, teases, and tantrums his way through his kingship, and there’s not a moment where I didn’t hate him. He was the only character on the show whose fate I knew from the beginning. There was simply no way the show could keep him alive for the entire run. He was too fucking terrible. I know that Thrones‘s whole thing is about how the bad guys win sometimes and shit but Joffrey was the only fucking dude on the show who was 100%, certified rotten, evil at his core. Even his shit of a mother has like, morals. Joffrey was like the fucking antichrist.

I never thought I’d smile at the sight of the bloody and bloated face of a teenager, but man, every time I see it a tear of joy comes to my eye.

@Matt_Hoff_ | Peep Live from the Middle Urinal on iTunes, GooglePlay, Stitcher every Tues. and Fri. | @MiddleUrinalPod

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