4 Teams (Rival Neighborhoods) Using a Cover-Up (Sport) to Beat the Piss Out of Each Other is the Most Italian Thing Since Spaghetti

So we have four teams that show up to the (stadium?) and they each represent a neighborhood in Florence. The story goes that it was actually suspended for two centuries and it made a comeback sometime in the 1900’s. Why did it make a comeback in the 1900’s? No idea, but it did.

I, for one, think the world is a better place when Italians are fighting each other in videos that can then be made into “Patriots vs NFL” memes.

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But I digress… Italians are always trying to see who has the bigger salsiccia, and this sport is that in a nutshell. It’s pretty much the epitome of Italians. Seriously, look, they even dress like your average Italian north-ender or Jersey Shore-ian.

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Like the Irish, Italians will literally fight about anything, but mostly to defend their neighborhood/family. It’s a fact – ask National Geographic. They’ll do the normal Italian thing and cover it up with some obvious play, in this case, a sporting event, and use it to legally beat the living hell out of each other. I mean LOOK! These guys are squared up in the middle of this thing…

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Now I get it, we have hockey where the same thing happens. To that, I remind you that Hockey is like 99% hockey and 1% beating the hell out of each other. This game is 1% scoring and 99% skull-crushing.

Stupid idiots over at Bleacher Report called it a mix of “Rugby” and “MMA.” It’s not. This is just Italians being Italian. No need to overthink it; this is as stupid as they come. Please, for the love of God, Italy, keep to the amazing food and soccer.

PS. I HATE when people call Football “American Football.” It’s not American Football, it’s just football.

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-“Well the entire rest of the world calls it Futball”

—Wait, are we in the entire rest of the world? No? Okay, then SHUT UP.  There’s soccer and there’s football. When your sport isn’t a punchline for playing a sport like a pansy, then you can dictate what it’s called.

Also, I am Italian, so slow your roll when you come at me about this, losers.

-JS

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