Omg redzone opened with the quad box I need to change my pants
— Matt Hoffman® (@Matt_Hoff_) October 15, 2017
Guys, I think I have a problem. Obviously, I’m a football guy just like all of you, but I think this is all getting out of hand. Every single Sunday, I wake up and all I can think about is watching RedZone. I dream about RedZone. Scott Hansen’s voice narrates my life in my head like I’m on the fucking Truman Show. I don’t just watch RedZone, I talk about watching RedZone, I think about how much I’m looking forward to watching RedZone. It’s every week. When I hear the intro music, my ears perk up, and, hand up here, I’m gonna be honest – I get a little tingle in the pants. (Full disclosure: it’s more than a tingle.)
I think I might be sexually attracted to RedZone. I finally understand all the “[insert whatever here] kin” type of people who are like attracted exclusively to squirrels and dragons and shit because I’m flat out in love with this thing. If they had a 24-hour stream of the channel, I’d never leave my couch.
I don’t know man, maybe it’s not that bad. Anyone else a member of RedZone Anonymous? We can meet on Sundays and watch RedZone.