Dak Prescott Takes a Vow of Celibacy

Cowboys star Dak Prescott has apparently taken a vow of celibacy after winning just two of the first five games of the season. According to a gossip site, the 24-year-old has told girlfriend Yasmine Nicole Lee that he won’t be having sex with her until Dallas is mathematically out of the playoffs. If you Google Yasmine Nicole Lee, you will see that this is going to be scientifically impossible. I don’t even know the woman, and I’ve already had sex with her twice this morning!

I’m also not certain of the science behind this notion. No sex equates to better play? What pool of QB’s is Dak looking at here for his data? Joe Namath was one of the biggest playboys of all time, and he not only won a Super Bowl, he predicted it. He was in a hotel lobby when he made the prophetic call and we can be sure he had sex recently as the famous photo shows. Namath is in front of the media and asks everyone present to smell his finger. Tom Brady has won five Super Bowls and he is married to a super model. I have no idea what Tom’s sex schedule is, but have you ever seen someone who looks like her living in a convent? And Big Ben Roethlisberger has two rings yet the big romantic has been seen raping women in public bathrooms. Does that sound like a guy who’s abstaining for a few months?

Furthermore, I should point out that Dak’s claim is rather vague, and the media is being extremely speculative. Given the NFL’s sordid past with members of the opposite sex, can we be sure that when a player points at a girl and says, “I’m not gonna hit that for a while,” he’s referring to lovemaking and not taking said girl and performing a Ray Rice maneuver on her? Either way, good luck, Dak. If Yasmine gets lonely, I’m available.

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