LEAKED: Tim Wakefield’s Conversation with Aaron Boone

Yesterday, the Boston Red Sox and New York Yankees faced off in a spring training game. Though spring training is more of an exhibition setting, it’s always nice to get some of those #Rivalry juices flowing. But with new blood comprising most of the Red Sox and Yankees rosters, the mere sight of the opposing team isn’t enough to warrant hatred anymore. No, the animosity embedded in the historic rivalry has mostly retired along with its key players; guys like Alex Rodriguez, David Ortiz, Pedro Martinez, and Derek Jeter, to name a few.

But that doesn’t mean the Rivalry can’t reignite at any given moment. As a matter of fact, it may have sparked back up yesterday when two old foes encountered each other on the field for the first time in over a decade.

In the eyes of Red Sox fans, Aaron F**king Boone will always be known as an enemy. It was him, after all, who destroyed the Red Sox’ chance at advancing to the 2003 World Series. But how do Red Sox players feel about him? Is he hated in the players’ circle? In short, yes.

Tim Wakefield, the pitcher who gave up the infamous walk-off to Boone, got a chance to tell him how he really feels, 15 years later. Luckily, the encounter was recorded, and it’s one for the ages.

“What’s up Timmy? Long time no see!”

“Wipe that dumb smirk off your face, Boone. No one calls me Timmy.”

“My bad, I haven’t seen you in so long. Since when, 2003?”

“Yeah, 2003. You hit the home run off of me, I know.”

“Did I do that? I can barely even remember, it was so long ago.”

“Shut up Aaron, you know exactly what happened. It was the only good thing you ever did in your entire career.”

“Your mother’s good, so that’s at least two things.”

*Wakefield’s eyes roll out the back of his head, then return to their normal position*

“You’re lucky I’m mature, Boone, or I’d give you a knuckle sandwich.”

“Would that be as flat as the knucklers you were serving up back in the day? Because if so, throw one at me. I could use the confidence boost.”

“Yeah you need the confidence after that lousy career of yours. What’d you hit, .250?”

“.263. I’m a Yankees legend. You’re a dinosaur.”

“Man, 54 games is all it takes to be a legend in the Bronx? Must be nice for it to be that easy.”

“Shut up, Wakefield. You eat dog crap for breakfast, geek.”

“You mix your Wheaties with your momma’s toe jam!”

“You bob for apples in the toilet… and you like it.”

The two paused for a long minute, staring at each other. The tension was thicker than Mike Napoli’s beard. Stupid thicc.

“You play ball like a girl!”

The entire crowd at Fenway South went silent. They couldn’t believe what they had just heard. Did he just assume Boone’s gender? How unbelievably disrespectful.

“Okay, Wakefield. I see how it is. We’ll settle this on the diamond. The rivalry is back on, bitch.”

Unfortunately for Wakefield and Red Sox nation, the Sox fell by a score of 5-3 in the game. Boone won this battle, but the war is far from over. The two teams will meet 19 times during the regular season, and it will then be determined who the better team is.

In Boston, the names Tim Wakefield and Aaron Boone don’t belong in the same sentence. But that may have just changed. After these two had their back-and-forth, the rivalry was definitively revived. The fire has been lit, and it’s up to the young players to embrace the roll of Hestia and tend to the hearth. This should be a fun season.



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