For the past 17 years, Tom Brady has been painting a masterpiece of a football career. Whether you love him, hate him, or don’t have a strong opinion either way, you can’t deny Brady’s legacy. He has played in 8 Super Bowls, won 5 of them, and won numerous other awards along the way. The root of his success has always been his competitive spirit, one that hasn’t wavered since he first stepped onto the field during his adolescent years. His relentless pursuit of perfection has earned him God-like status in New England, and he will forever be known as one of the greatest athletes in Boston sports history.
But yet, like so many other professional athletes, we don’t know that much about Brady. His media attention has been very calculated and has only revealed parts of his life that he was willing to share with the masses. Tom vs Time has given us some insight into what Tom is like around his wife and kids, but it still doesn’t dig into the essence of Brady’s being. Besides a driven perfectionist, who is this man that we love so much?
Recently, we’ve been getting some clues as to what Brady is like behind closed doors and around his teammates. A few nights ago, Brady appeared on The Late Show with Stephen Colbert and revealed a little tidbit about himself. He’s a world-class beer-chugger.
After hearing this juicy detail, Colbert (foolishly) challenged Brady to a chug-off. He brought out two beers, and the challenge had begun. Brady and Colbert clinked glasses, and before Colbert could touch his lips to the liquid, Brady’s glass was empty. It was a massacre of epic proportions, the likes of which we haven’t seen since Crispus Attucks was roaming the city streets of Boston in 1770.
Now, this begs the question: is Tom Brady a better beer-chugger than football player? Let’s investigate.
Right off the bat, the proportionality argument must be addressed. If Tom Brady is the greatest football player of all time, he’s better than 100% of football players. Could the same be said about his beer-chugging abilities? I don’t believe so. As impressive as that chug was, I find it awfully hard to believe that Brady is better than 100% of beer-chuggers. There are even stories to prove that Brady’s gullet isn’t as quick-twitch as others out there.
I beat …Tom Brady.
He nodded approvingly, and although I couldn’t hear him say it over the cheers… his lips read “Okay….ok.” He reached across the beer soaked table top, scattered with wing bones and assorted detritus, and shook my hand.
I BEAT TOM BRADY…
— Rich Ohrnberger (@ohrnberger) March 13, 2018
Next, preparation must be factored in. Tom Brady spends every moment of every day preparing for his next football game. His daily routine is centered around his workouts, training sessions, and film-studies. His diet is focused on achieving optimal health in order to perform on the football field. Everything he does, he does with a purpose. That purpose is football.
That being said, Brady chugged that beer in like 1.5 seconds without any preparation. He said himself that he doesn’t drink beer often, so this can be assumed to be the first in a long time. And yet, the beer disappeared almost instantaneously. If Brady spent as much time preparing for beer-chugging contests as he does for football games, he would undoubtedly be a better chugger than he is now.
Finally, there is the argument that Brady is only good because of Bill Belichick. Yes, there are some lunatics out there who still believe this, so I must address it. Bill Belichick and his scheming make Tom Brady better. 100%, without a doubt. Belichick would make any player better, regardless of who, where, when or why. He’s the greatest coach of all time for a reason, and Brady has reaped the rewards. Beer chugging, on the other hand, is a one-man game. There is no coaching, and no defense. It’s all about form and being faster than the person across the table from you. However, it’s a fallacy to believe that Brady is only as good as he is because of his coach. He is the greatest football player of all time regardless of circumstance.
And now, the verdict. Drumroll please.
After careful consideration, Tom Brady is still a better football player than a beer-chugger. At the end of the day, preparation is part of the reason why he is such a good quarterback. Somewhere, down at Panama City Beach, someone out there is working harder than Brady at chugging beer. There are men and women out there with throats built for chugging beer, while Brady’s was made for yelling “LET’S GO” and calling audibles. So, despite his incredible chugging abilities, Brady is still a better football player. Not surprising.
Images/Gifs: ABC News, giphy.com