Entertainment

Norway’s Prisons Are Elite

I don’t pretend to be a knower of all things but I think we can all agree going to prison is bad. I know being ripped from society would be awful. Not being able to see your family, watch sports, or go to the best chain steakhouse on the planet (Sup, Texas Roadhouse?) would suck. It would more than suck. It’d be worse than watching Abdel Nader play basketball. Even worse than watching NHL referees pretend to know what they’re doing. It’d be the absolute worst experience on the planet unless you went to prison in Norway.

Imagine if the United States adopted this setup? To hell with college, I WOULD TRAFFIC ALL THE DRUGS. SEND ME TO PRISON BAYBAY! I’m dancing on into the nearest police station and ratting myself out. How’s that for your criminal element factor? I’m turning all my friends in so they’ll have a better life, too. All for one and one for all. I am a man of the people and the people deserve their own homes with heated floors. The lifestyle of the rich and famous, baby, let’s go! Norway gives you that if you break the law there. WHAT A COUNTRY!

Cooking lessons, painting class, a softball team! Name brand everything, even down to the cigarettes! I don’t even smoke and I’m asking myself “How do I spend the rest of my life there?” I’d hire an attorney just to figure out the necessary laws I would have to break to ensure my stay in my new vacation home. After some much needed Me Time, I wouldn’t mind going back to lame ass society with their laws and jobs and people…just for a little while. Enough to brag about how great prison is and how dumb they are for continuing to be “upstanding members of society” or whatever. I’ll promote my debut album with Criminal Records, “Straight Outta Tashville” and when I’m feeling homesick, I’ll just violate probation, and back to paradise, I go. No mortgage, no bills and satisfying freedom from everyday society. Norwegian prisons are hella elite.


Photo – Huffington Post 

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