Middle Urinal Must Bets: NFL Week 9

GOOOOOOOD MORNING DEGENERATES! Happy NFL Sunday!

Nothing like waking up on Sunday morning to the smell of a fresh pigskin flying through the air straight from the arm of [insert your favorite QB here] right into the hands of [insert that QB’s favorite target] for six. It’s like injecting nitrous oxide laced gasoline straight into your veins, like steroids for a car.

Welcome to the first (blogged) edition of the Middle Urinal Must Bets, presented by the WTP Sports Book (go DM @WTP_SportsBook on Twitter to place your bets). Each week on Live from the Middle Urinal—a great good podcast you certainly should(n’t) listen to—myself and fellow degenerate sports better Dom not only talk about our favorite bets for the following week, but we guess the lines, talk about the bad beats from the week before, and of course, give you our…

🔒🔒🔒LOCKS OF THE WEEK🔒🔒🔒

Not to toot our own horns, but since we started this (little peek behind the curtain here, we’re idiots and didn’t start this until like Week 7), we’ve done pretty well. Before I share our locks this week, here’s what we’ve got so far in Weeks 7 and 8:

Week 7:
Matt — CLE +3 at TB: WIN
Dom — IND -7 at BUF: WIN

Week 8:
Matt — SEA +3 at DET: WIN
Dom — CLE +8.5 at PIT: LOSS*

*Dom requested this to be an asterisk because he legitimately did not have a chance to check out the lines ahead of time and made this decision without any thought.

And now, without further ado, here are our LOCKS OF THE WEEK for NFL Week 9

Matt (2-0)
The Game: Kansas City Chiefs at Cleveland Browns; Sunday, 1:00 pm
The Pick: KC -8 (now -10)
Kansas City has set itself up as one of the most dominant scoring teams in the NFL, and with the Browns cleaning house in the last week, this is a surefire pick. The Browns have a ton of talent on both sides of the ball, but neither the offense or the defense has stepped up to plate in the last few weeks. In their last 3, Cleveland is 0-3 with losses of 38-14, 26-23, and 33-18, with the only close game being against Tampa Bay. This one won’t be close, folks. There isn’t a chance the Browns can stop anything the Chiefs toss at them this week. Lock it in.

Dom (1-1)
The Game: Houston Texans at Denver Broncos; Sunday, 4:05 pm
The Pick: HOU +2.5 (now -1.5)
Houston, and Deshaun Watson specifically, has played wonderfully in the past few weeks, putting them on top of the AFC South. They’ve won 5 straight, including a 20-7 trouncing of the Jaguars and a 42-23 domination of Miami. While these aren’t all-time teams they’ve beaten, they’re beating these teams by double digits, as they should. And while it’s certainly proven tough to play in Denver, a win by at least a FG is looking like a very possible outcome, especially with the addition of Denver’s own Demaryius Thomas to Houston to replace Will Fuller (and leak all fo Denver’s secrets to Houston’s defense, which has played out of its mind). Lock it in.

Every Sunday morning, I’ll be bringing you these picks, so make sure you place all your bets with the WTP Sports Book by DMing us at @WTP_SportsBook on Twitter. Go make some money, folks.

SHAMELESS PLUG ALERT: And, if you’d like to hear our takes on gambling and sports and everything else, be sure listen to  Live from the Middle Urinal

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