Mariah Carey’s “All I Want for Christmas is You” is Hot Garbage

Yes, you read that title correct.

With Thanksgiving being over, it officially Christmas time. Christmas movies and Christmas songs are officially widely accepted to intake. I’d like to consider myself a Christmas music aficionado, a big-time Christmas guy if you will.

What I find so troubling about Christmas isn’t the shopping, the cold, or any of that shit. It’s the fact Mariah Carey’s “All I Want for Christmas is You”, as well as her Christmas album as a whole, has not only continued to be played on a regular basis but the fact that it has somehow been placed on a pedestal above all other Christmas songs.

I’m here to say nay. Nay, I say. Nay!

This overtly pop and objectively annoying rendition of the 1992 Vince Vance & The Valiants original has become so played out that it is impossible for me to enjoy it in the slightest.

Not only is Carey’s “All I Want for Christmas is You” not the best Christmas song but it’s also not even top ten. What’s most frustrating about hearing this high-pitched garbage on a daily goddamn basis is that there are SOOOOOO many better Christmas songs out there. I’m gonna hold off on giving my list of vastly superior songs because I’m not done ripping this contemptuous mess yet. “All I Want for Christmas is You” has become the calling card for basic white girls everywhere; they get to scream and dance, and it’s horrendous to watch.

You can probably tell this, but I want this song deleted. Get it off this planet and send it into the cold vacuum of space. I’m done with it.

There are a number of vastly superior Christmas songs out there, and I won’t bore you with listing all of the songs in the world that are better than this piece of shit song, but I will tell you about an entire album that Mariah Carey couldn’t hold a candle to, which is Michael Buble’s “Christmas”.


Hot. Damn. If you haven’t heard any of the songs on this album, then you don’t know music. When I say that Michael Buble has the most beautiful singing voice I’ve ever heard, I mean it. In fact, he does his own version of “All I Want for Christmas is You,” and guess what? It’s way better than Carey’s.

Go listen to it now, tell the world about what you heard, and join me in my campaign to take down Mariah’s Christmas reign. Jump on the train and join the crusade.



2 thoughts on “Mariah Carey’s “All I Want for Christmas is You” is Hot Garbage

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  1. Whaatttt???? I love this song !!!!!! Granted it is extremely OVERPLAYED !! & she’s still out there, like she’s 23 singing it in her mini dress ! But she’s laughing all the way to the bank on us diehard fans of Mariah’s beautiful voice. & She’s touring again to boot !!
    Yes, let’s let the rest of the Artists get some playing time during Christmas and check out Michael’s album !!

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