Have you ever seen a take on Twitter so bad, you gave up hope for the world? A take so dumb that Lloyd Christmas and Harry Dunne were making fun of it? Perhaps a take so preposterous, you feel like the moderator from Billy Madison’s academic decathlon?
Good! Dumb takes deserve to be celebrated. For every record broken, there is an internet commenter working equally hard to demean it. For every gained, there is a referee blamed. For every meaningless story, there’s a way to make it about your extreme politics. And it is GREAT entertainment.
Now to be clear, I’m not talking about hot takes. You won’t see the likes of Skip Bayless or Stephen A. Smith here. I’ll leave those to @OldTakesExposed. I am talking about dumb takes, like this one:
I wonder if Jerry is ballsy enough to let him go like they did Spraytan. Its the right move to pay everyone else and get a new RB.
— Je suis Earl (@CrownRoyal22) December 11, 2018
You’re right Je Suis Earl, clearly, it’s time for the Cowboys to move on from the NFL’s leading rusher who is averaging 135.7 yards from scrimmage per game. What has Elliot really done in his career besides lead the league in rushing, have a first-team All-Pro season, and go to the Pro Bowl? Who cares about stats like that? Anyway, moving on.
Two white players. The @nfl is bias and racist against white RB and WR
— Josef Mirna (@JosefMirna) December 11, 2018
Josef is spitting some big facts if you ignore: Christian McCaffrey, Jordy Nelson, Cooper Kupp, Adam Humphries, Cole Beasley, Danny Amendola, and most of the Patriots offense. Thielen being undrafted is 100% because he is white and has nothing to do with him going to DII Minnesota State. Ignore the fact that it took him four years to improve with the Vikings before he finally broke out, the NFL is clearly racist…against white people. Josef should be the next commissioner so he can ban racist tests like the 40-yard dash and the vertical jump and make every team start Danny Woodhead.
Thank you, next.
Where the TDs though?!🤔🚮
— Dwayne Harry (@Dwayne_Harry) December 11, 2018
Breaking News: NFL receiving yards leader is trash. Imagine thinking one of the most dominant receivers of all time is actually bad based off of touchdowns only? The entire point of the post was that Julio was doing things no receiver has ever done, but he’s garbage so it doesn’t matter. Dwayne, my guy, for the love of God, be better.
Finally, the dumbest take I have ever seen.
— COTUS (@Wrak) December 9, 2018
There’s a lot to unpack here in such a short tweet. First off, they tagged the wrong account. The XFL’s twitter handle is @XFL2020. So he’s off to a real hot start. Next, the premise that the XFL is going to take down the NFL is just plain hilarious. Despite my life-long allegiance to the unnamed Tampa Bay XFL team, even I know it’s going to be an inferior product on the field. Finally, almost no NFL players kneel during the anthem anymore. I personally don’t care who boycotts what, but missing this week’s incredible games makes @Wrak the official Dummy of the Week.
Hopefully, I’ll be back next week with even more dumb takes. If you see a dumb take this week, DM it to me @TSerbent and I’ll give you a shout out.
*Photo: Dumb and Dumber