The Best Fits for Antonio Brown

Antonio Brown woke up this morning feeling dangerous. Unfortunately for the City of Pittsburgh, he wasn’t feeling “Baker Mayfield” dangerous, but rather “Kanye West/Twitter Fingers” dangerous. Brown opened up the day by taking shots at his former offensive coordinator, Bruce Arians, and former teammate, Emmanuel Sanders.

Brown is clearly done with all things Pittsburgh, past or present. He removed “Steelers” from his social bios and has been blasting the team on Twitter pretty consistently. The feeling is mutual at least. Team owner Art Rooney said it would be “hard to envision” Brown being part of the team in 2019. With both parties ready to move on, Brown seems destined to be working elsewhere by the time training camps open in August. So where is the best fit for Brown? You can find the four best fits below:

Controlled Demolition, Inc

Controlled Demolition is a Maryland-based engineering firm specializing in the demolition of large structures. Just this week they took down the Tappan Zee bridge in New York:

That is the kind of bridge-burning Antonio Brown can get behind. So far, Brown has burned-bridges with Rooney, Ben Roethlisberger, JuJu Smith-Schuester, Mike Tomlin, Bruce Arians, Emmanuel Sanders, Ryan Clark, and likely countless others. Controlled Demolition can’t afford to pass up that sort of efficiency.

American Organics

This composting company would be perfect for Antonio Browns shitty attitude. It always seemed wasted in Pittsburgh. If Brown signs with American Organics, he could finally put it to good use.


Plenty of Steelers fans have said Brown should fuck himself. Well now is his chance. Plus, even in porn, Antonio Brown is still the biggest dick out there!

The New England Patriots

God damn it. Where else would he go? Nobody can silence a locker room cancer quite like Bill Belichick. Guaranteed he has 150 catches for 2,000 yards for the next five years just so the rest of us have to keep hating him. God damn it.

Photo: Grueling Truth


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