This is Rock Bottom… In April

 We were all witnesses.

Last night, we saw the lowest that the Boston Red Sox could sink. 

Last night was the equivalent of the Sean Manaea No-Hitter from last year.

Rock. Bottom.

After losing three out of four games in Seattle in the opening series of the year, the Red Sox marched into Oakland with the hopes of getting a MUCH needed W. Instead, we saw the teams worst performance of this very young season. The Sox sent postseason hero David Price to the mound to be the teams stopgap. He was going to be the man to snap this rough skid. The stars had aligned. It was the former Cy Young winner vs Aaron Brooks, a man who hadn’t pitched in the majors since 2015. This is a guaranteed win, right?

No. It wasn’t.

Things started well enough, with a scoreless inning from Price (Hey, how about that!!), followed by what appeared to be an RBI single from Mitch Moreland. But, because the baseball Gods are a cruel group of bastards, A’s center fielder Ramon Laureano uncorked a missile of a throw to cut down Xander Bogaerts at home plate. But he didn’t.

But, apparently, there wasn’t enough evidence to overturn because even the MLB Replay Center hates the Red Sox right now.  

That was the beginning of the end, as Price would give up a solo bomb to Khris Davis in the bottom half of the frame. The next inning, Price would allow a second solo home run, this time to Laureano. While Price was busy making the best start by a Red Sox pitcher so far this season, The Sox bats were non-existent. The offense, WHO WON A WORLD SERIES LAST YEAR BY BEING GOOD AT HITTING BASEBALLS, was held to just two hits by Brooks, a pitcher who hasn’t appeared on a major league mound in over FOUR YEARS. After the Moreland single in the second inning, Brooks would sit down 12 of the next 13 batters he faced, only surrendering a walk to Moreland in the top of the fifth. Absolutely disgusting.

In the bottom of the Sixth, Price, who was still trying his damnedest to keep his team in the game, made his third and final mistake. A 2-run home run to Chad Pinder was the backbreaker, making the game 4-0 and ending Price’s start.

Price became the third Red Sox pitcher to allow three home runs in a single game so far this season. Equally disgusting.

So you’re probably thinking, “Oh, well the Red Sox will battle and keep it close and might even make a late-inning push”. Heath Hembree promptly responded, “FUCK YOUR DREAMS! IM TURNING THIS THING INTO A BLOWOUT.”

Yes, after a scoreless inning of work by Tyler Thornburg in the Seventh, Heath Hembree was called upon to keep the game close and work the Eighth. He started by giving up a DEEP home run to Matt Chapman. Sure, there was a Rafael Devers error mixed in, but Hembree was an absolute puddle of piss on the mound. In all, the Red Sox would exit the Eighth inning trailing 7-0. The team would be tamed in the Ninth by 60-year old Fernando Rodney. JD Martinez struck out to end the game. Boom.

Final score: Athletics 7 Red Sox 0

The reason that this is rock bottom is simple: You got shutout by a pitcher WHO HASN’T PITCH- Forget it. I’m not even going to say it.

This is the current state of affairs. 

That is repulsive. Make it go away.

Now, I’m not pulling the ripcord on this season, nor should anyone else for that matter. The Dodgers, just last year, were 17-26 on May 17th. IT’S. A. LONG. SEASON. I’m just saying I’m genuinely pissed that I had to bear witness to that disgrace of a game, last night. That was the ugliest game the Red Sox have played in two years. I don’t want to see that shit anymore.

I want Heath Hembree off this team yesterday and I want Jenrry Mejia to take his spot, I want Michael Chavis playing second base because holy shit Nunez looks off, and I want the starting pitchers to keep the ball in the goddamn park. Those are my demands, Red Sox, now do something about it.

I’m mad as hell, and you guys should be, too. This is the worst game you’ll play all year. Can only go up from here.

Also, blow up the Oakland Coliseum.

Photo by Jeff Chiu


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