Chris Archer Starts A Brawl Because He is the Softest Professional Athlete on the Planet

Chris Archer has always been on my shitlist. Ever since debuting in 2012, I haven’t liked him one bit.

Archer has always been a flashy, easily excitable pitcher, and a pretty good one at that. But I don’t hate Chris Archer for showing emotion. In fact, I prefer pitchers be as enthusiastic as he is on the mound. I hate Chris Archer for expecting the hitters, who he gets hyped about getting out, to show some sort of respect to him when they get the better of him.

Archer first caught my attention after flexing on the Red Sox and Daniel Nava, of all people, after escaping a bases-loaded jam way back in 2013. Now, I don’t mind this on its own. Again, it’s perfectly okay to get pumped up when you do something good on a baseball field. But this display came back to bite Archer in the ass after getting butthurt that David Ortiz hit an absolute nuke off of him and flipped his bat afterward the next season.

(Apologies for the crappy video quality)

It’s pretty wild to constantly celebrate and ‘showboat’ throughout your career, and then turn around and say that a future first-ballot Hall of Famer thinks he’s “bigger than the game” for flipping his bat.

It should be noted that David Ortiz hit .375 with a 1.207 OPS against Archer, so it might have only gotten worse for the right hander after making those infamous comments.

So, with that history out of the way, let’s flash forward to the present day. Chris Archer is now a member of the Pittsburgh Pirates and is on a pretty good run to start the year. Archer is facing off against the Reds for the second time in the young season. He runs into Derek Dietrich, and Dietrich UNLOADS on a pitch for a two-run home run that lands in the Allegheny River. Dietrich, who has hit a whopping 63 home runs over his 7-year career, decided to sit back and admire every second of his absolute moonbomb.

Chris Archer took a great deal of offense to such an act of disrespect and threw behind Dietrich in his next at-bat. Yasiel Puig and the rest of the Cincinnati Reds collectively said ‘fuck that’, and a skirmish ensued.

Please note that I am Nostradamus.

What really, REALLY annoys me about this whole situation is the Pirates coming out and posting a stupid ass video, which almost seems like a joke of sorts because the irony is uncanny.

Chris Archer, despite only being 30 years old, has the mindset of a player who would’ve thrived in the 70’s. While the Pirates are saying that we, the public, should “Let the kids play”, in regards to Archer, Archer is actively trying to make the game of baseball be played his way.

Archer, in every way, shape, and form, is the polar opposite of the “Let the kids play” moto that baseball is pushing this year. While everyone and their mother is okay with batflipping and batters getting fired up, Archer has remained steadfast in being thin-skinned and appears to be on a mission from God to stuff this ‘Baseball is fun’ uprising.

I’m starting a campaign to have every hitter who gets a hit off Archer, for the rest of the season, to send their bat 15 feet into the air, no matter the hit. A 500 foot home run, batflip. Double down the line, batlfip. Bunt single against the shift, send that shit into the stands.

Chris Archer is soft, and it should be every player dream to piss him off any chance they get.


Photo: Gene A Puskar/ AP Photos

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Comments

2 comments on “Chris Archer Starts A Brawl Because He is the Softest Professional Athlete on the Planet”
  1. KMD says:

    So what do you really think of this guy ?? I don’t think you’re promoting the same baseball spirit as the Astros have taught you ..😁

  2. KMD says:

    & he reminds me of the kid from We are the Millers

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