Amir Johnson Was Caught Answering the Most Important Text of All Time

The Easter Conference’s Number three seed Philadelphia 76ers were completely overmatched by the six seed Brooklyn Nets in game one of their first round series on Saturday. Could this complete lack of Basketball ability be because the entire team was distracted by the incredibly important conversation Amir Johnson was having via text message during the game?

If the 76ers know that they’re in the playoffs, which we can’t assume they do judging by their performance, then how does a team get blown out at home by the 42-40 Nets if not distracted. I can’t think of another reason. I’m putting this entire performance on Amir Johnson who logged exactly 0 minutes but garnered a respectful 0+/-.

If you don’t think Amir was responsible for this embarrassing team performance, then just look at how he was able to distract Joel Embiid from the game when the 76ers were in fourth quarter crunch time. Embiid must have understood how important the text Amir was sending, so he had to give input, regardless of the in-game situation.

So what could Amir Johnson be texting about? Lets run through some possibilities. The first one I could think of was he is selling American and Philadelphia secrets to the Russians in exchange for playing time. He could be very bitter about his current situation and it would be some excellent revenge to join the Russians after betraying the city of Philadelphia.

The second possibility is that Amir is asking someone how good the Brooks & Dunn reboot album is. There’s a couple of bangers on their that might fit nicely into his postgame playlist, so he could be getting the good word on which songs to download and which songs just won’t fit the “lost game one of a series” mood.

The third and final possibility is that Amir Johnson is friends with JJ Abrams and is trying to get some details about the new Star Wars film. He probably saw the trailer for the Rise of Skywalker just before the game started and was like “My questions can’t wait to be answered. I must text JJ now during the game so I can tell the guys everything I know, especially Joel Embiid.” That would explain why Embiid was so invested in the text message, as well.

That third one seems the most likely. Honestly, I hope he got those questions answered so he can share with the class. WHY IS PALPATINE LAUGHING IN THE TRAILER JJ?Also, I hope he can concentrate on the game in Game 2. The 76ers might need him to improve on that 0+/-.

Image via pennlive


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