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Anyone Setting Their Thermostat to 82° At Night Should Be Arrested Immediately

Ok folks listen up and listen up good. Energy Star, a federal energy program, just published a report (which you can read here if you want) says that for the best energy efficiency, you’re supposed to keep your house at 78° regularly, 85° when you’re not home, and 82° when you sleep.

EIGHTY TWO DEGREES?! Look, I understand that as a hairy white dude, I deal with cold very easily and thus hot very poorly so perhaps I’m slightly overreacting overheated about this, but putting your thermostat to 82°F (27°C for you European weirdos) at night is absolutely insane. If the temperature in my apartment hits higher than 74° at night, I awake instantly with heavy knees and sweaty palms (my mom’s spaghetti doesn’t make an appearance) and run into the living room to adjust it.

Even for the ladies out there who like almost desert-like conditions in their homes have to agree with me here. I could be convinced about 78° regularly, even though I’d prefer it lower. And 85° when I’m not around? No problem. I ain’t there. Not my sweat, not my problem. But 82° when you sleep is just absolutely bananas. Might as well just turn the heat on at that point. Air conditioning was invented to keep us cool, not keep us slightly less uncomfortable. If you’re keeping your temperature inside your home above 80° at night, you should be arrested for attempted murder of everything living in that home including yourself. There are only 2 acceptable situations in which 82° is an appropriate temperature: 1. You live in the arctic or on a glacier or something, or 2. You live inside a volcano, and just wanna turn the heat down a lil bit.

I’m all for saving the planet and energy, but I think we have to draw the line somewhere, and folks, that somewhere is right here. Cram it up your cram hole, Energy Star.


Photo: Moldy Chum.

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One thought on “Anyone Setting Their Thermostat to 82° At Night Should Be Arrested Immediately

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  1. Thank you for this!! I was so mad when I read the original article put out by that agency.

    Absolutely ABSURD!!!

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