GOOOOOOOD MORNING DEGENERATES! Happy NFL Sunday!
ANYWHO, welcome to Middle Urinal Must Bets, presented by the WTP Sports Book (go DM @WTP_SportsBook on Twitter to place your bets). Each week on Live from the Middle Urinal—an OK-at-best podcast you certainly should(n’t) listen to—myself and fellow degenerate sports bettors Dom, Rob, and Phil give you our…LOCKS OF THE WEEK. After going 4-0 (Matt) and 2-2 (Dom), now we’re committing to 16 weeks of pickin’ LOCKS for the boys. Make sure you listen each week—we give extra picks in the pod!
So far, we’re 20-19-2 on the year and 29-25-2 with bonus/guests included—not bad for guys who don’t know what they’re doing. Now, without further ado, here are our LOCKS OF THE WEEK for NFL Week 13.
Matt (6-6; overall, 10-6)
The Game: Minnesota Vikings at Seattle Seahawks; Monday, 8:15pm
The Pick: MIN +3
I can’t believe I’m picking Kirk Cousins and the Vikings in prime time, on the road, for the second time this season. This is insane. But I’m doing it. Look, Seattle has strung together 4 in a row including 2 straight road games against the Niners and the Eagles. But Minnesota has lost 1 game since the start of October, and by 3 points to the Chiefs. Point is, Minnesota plays up to teams. The only difference this year is they’re actually on the same level, to begin with. I can’t believe it, but I believe in Kirk Cousins this week.
Dom (7-5; overall, 9-7)
The Game: Los Angeles Rams at Arizona Cardinals; Sunday, 4:05pm
The Pick: AZ +3
Dom is quietly setting up a hot streak, and anyone who bets against the Patriots to cover and wins deserves some respect. This week, he’s responding to that by showing the Los Angeles Rams absolutely zero respect. Beginning of the season, this line is 6.5, maybe 7 points. Now? The Rams have continued to be unimpressive on both sides of the ball, and Arizona’s shown it can score. We’re also 3-0 when we pick the Cards. Let’s ride this wave.
Rob (3-5-1; overall, 3-5-1)
The Game: Green Bay Packers at New York Giants; Sunday, 1:00pm
The Pick: GB -6.5
Rob is one loss away from a….cold streak. Ugh. I’m disgusted I even had to type that. Some tough luck has come his way recently—similar to the Green Bay Packers! Look, the Pack just got embarrassed on national television for the second time this season. They’re 2-2 in their last 4—similar to Rob! Point is, both these guys are due, and the Giants are the perfect punching bag. This one is going to be an Aaron Rodgers highlight game. It might get ugly.
Phil (3-3-1; overall, 3-3-1)
The Game: ; Sunday, 1:00pm
The Pick: IND -2.5
The Colts had a tough stretch this season losing Jacoby Brisset, and with him coming back only to play a good Texans team on the road, they were hard-pressed for a win. But they beat bad teams. And Tennessee is a bad team. They’re 3-1 straight up against division opponents and and 6-4-1 against the spread. They’ve also covered 2 weeks in a row. This one feels like an Indy win. No buts about it.
BONUS PICK (7-5)
The Game: Cleveland Browns at Pittsburgh Steelers; Sunday, 1:00pm
The Pick: PIT +2
There’s an old rule in gambling that you take a home dog. There’s value to be had in a home dog. There’s another saying that revenge is a dish best served cold. Pittsburgh is getting 2 points in a game that’s looking like it’ll be chilly and rainy, and they’re getting revenge on the Browns for that time that Myles Garrett hit Mason Rudolph (their now benched QB) in the head with his own helmet. I mean, this is a no brainer. Oh, and did I mention their QB’s name is Duck? Pittsburgh by a billion.
Every Sunday morning, I’ll be bringing you these picks, so make sure you place all your bets with the WTP Sports Book by DMing us at @WTP_SportsBook on Twitter. Go make some money, folks. And listen to the show on Wednesdays (and Sundays!) anywhere you can find podcasts!