Drew Pomeranz: “Wait… I’m Not Supposed To Walk Batters?”

In a post-game interview last night, LHP Drew Pomeranz revealed to the media that he didn’t know he wasn’t supposed to walk batters. This should shed some light on the lefty’s recent “struggles”, as he’s walked 9 batters in his past 9.2 innings pitched.

The Red Sox southpaw, who has yet to walk fewer than 2 batters in an outing this season, disclosed his ignorance when a reporter asked him about his struggles with giving up free bases. “Wait… you’re not supposed to walk batters?” Pomeranz responded in apparent shock.

Pomeranz was understandably befuddled by one of the most complex intricacies of sabermetrics: the difference between walks and runs. “I know I don’t want to allow runs, so I make them walk instead,” said Pomeranz with a completely straight face (though it should be noted that Pomeranz always has the same, braindead look on his face).

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Drew “Pawtucket” Pomeranz, who earned that name while he served as the Paw Sox respectable #4 starter, should turn things around now that he’s familiar with basic pitching philosophy. Unfortunately, whatever he throws in the strike zone is at tremendous risk of being hit hard, because of his 89 mph fastball velocity. The harder it comes in, the harder it goes out… that’s the dilemma of having an arm as strong as Drew’s.

As the Red Sox move into the latter portion of their season, Pawtucket Pomeranz finds himself in the mix for a spot in the starting rotation. From here on out, it’s a race to the finish, and Drew is a major horse in that race.

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Things appear to be going smoothly.

Photo: Number Fire


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