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Hey Patriots Fans, Get Off Gronk’s Case

So Gronk announced he’s throwing a massive festival in Miami for the Super Bowl. Makes sense. He’s a party animal.

I thought it was a cool idea. I mean, not my scene, but good for Gronk, making that retirement cash doing what he loves…raging. Proud of my baby boy.

But now people (and by that I mean mostly Patriots fans) are lashing out about how he “needs to stop toying with the fan base” about his retirement. Which I have to say is fuckin’ absurd. The media hasn’t helped for sure, but it’s the media—it always sucks. Christ, it’s basically a Boston pastime to bash how bad our locals are. C’mon now.

Gronk is not “toying with the fan base” about his retirement. He retired after the Super Bowl and then spent months trying to convince everyone it was for real. And sure, there was a time or two in there early on where you could get your hopes up that maybe it was all a dream and the greatest tight end in history (sorry Tony G) might be coming back for another ring. But since basically July he’s been pretty clear that he’s not coming back.

The problem is you fools don’t want to believe it.

Look. I don’t want to be mean to my people. I’m one of you. I held out hope for months that this was all a nightmare and we wouldn’t have to run this offense with Ben Watson (although low key he’s looked ok!!! so far) as our No. 1 tight end. But that’s the reality. Patriots fans have become so jaded about players retiring because Brady is essentially immortal that most of us have become blind to what’s in front of us.

And sure, maybe you feel “used” by Gronk. You’re probably saying things to this screen right now like “well he shouldn’t play up a return in his announcements” or “he needs to stop keeping it open ended” or some shit. And to that I say, “shut up.” He’s said he’s not coming back 1500 times. He keeps saying it and people just simply won’t believe him. In fact, just a month ago, Gronk went on The Greg Hill Show and said these exact words when asked if he’s definitely retired:

“I’ll give an answer. Obviously, when I retired I retired for a reason because I needed to step away. So it would be a no. There it is. But I never say no because I said no and everyone was like ‘yeah, he’s kidding.’ It’s a no. In my mind, that’s how it is. It’s a no.”

I mean, how much clearer can the guy be?! I don’t understand. He retired. He said he retired, and people just want to hold out hope that he’s not. And if you’re upset that he included himself in shoulder pads in that James Cordon video because it’s teasing a comeback, well then you’re a blindo. I watched it, too. At no point did I think he was coming back. The guy played professional football, is he not supposed to use his football career to promote his business?! I don’t see anyone getting mad at the ex-players who own fast food franchises or car dealerships who use their careers to promote their shit. It’s a smart business decision! You think his marketing team isn’t in his ear about selling as many tickets to Gronk Beach as possibe?! He’s using literally the only thing he is famous for to continue to make money. It’d be like getting mad at a reality TV star for using their career on MTV to vault themselves to a job hosting a TV show (lookin’ at you, Johnny Bananas). It’s nuts!

Leave Gronk alone. He needs eyes on his stuff that he’s promoting, and if you’re all going to keep living in fantasy land about his retirement, then he’s got just another reason to keep “open” about coming back. I bet if you all started believing him, he’d stop keeping it open ended. But what do I know, he only LITERALLY SAID THAT.

Love you, Gronk. Buncha jabronis.


Photo: NESN

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