I’ve watched a lot of TV shows in my lifetime. Among them are critically acclaimed shows, under-the-radar shows, and shows that are flat–out terrible (shout out Borgia). I can recite just about every word of It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia and The Office, and I’m currently going through Game of Thrones withdrawals. I love TV.
But in all my years vegging out in front of screens, I’ve never seen something like this. It’s been a long and arduous search, my friends, but I’ve finally found it… the greatest scene in television history.
I don’t know where to start. There’s so much to unpack here, so I’ll just start at the beginning and detail some of the highlights.
Our hero, Ace Rimmer, finds himself being held captive on a Nazi aircraft. Totally normal storyline, until we see that the lead Nazi has his PET ALLIGATOR in his lap. Ace casually strolls in, lights up a J, and says he escaped his bondage by dislocating both shoulders, popping them behind his ears, and slipping between the ropes. He’ll need major orthopedic surgery to repair them, but that won’t stop him.
Next thing you know, the old Nazi dude throws the alligator at Ace, who has to wrestle it into submission while the Nazi guy lights a dynamite fuse and jumps out of the plane. Ace quickly follows, and we get one of the greatest gifs in TV history…
Now, after pulling the classic “feed the Nazi to the alligator while taking his parachute for yourself” move, Ace unloads his pistol at the firing squad who was about to kill the Princess Bongela. He delays them, unstraps his parachute, and falls through the roof of a shed. Fuck, there goes my hero. Watch him as he goes.
Just for good measure, the firing squad shoots about 50 rounds through the door to make sure Ace is dead. But wait a second, how could I have been so naïve? Mr. Rimmer landed on a motorcycle, hot-wired it while being shot at, and rode it out into the open field while picking off Nazis with his still-loaded gun.
The boldest move of the entire scene though, is firing two shots at the Princess he’s trying to rescue. Luckily, Ace has the aim and quick trigger of The Waco Kid from Blazing Saddles and he hits the chains that were tying the Princess up. As if Ace wasn’t cool enough already, he pops one of the greatest pickup lines in history… “there’ll be time for explanations later, and hopefully some sex.”
Our scene concludes in classic Ace Rimmer fashion. He evades his enemies and leaps his motorcycle over a brick wall. The fellow in pursuit, who is not as masterful on a motorcycle, breaks through the brick wall and explodes. Poor guy.
With the Princess Bongela on his bike with him, Ace takes the time to spell out his catch-phrase, “Smoke me a ripper, I’ll be back for breakfast,” in the sky by using the motorcycle’s exhaust as a pen. Mocking Nazis? That’s what I’m talking about.
Ace Rimmer… What a guy.
P.S. The scene comes from the British show Red Dwarf. I might have to start watching it.