GOOOOOOOD MORNING DEGENERATES! Happy NFL Sunday!
ANYWHO, welcome to Middle Urinal Must Bets, presented by the WTP Sports Book (go DM @WTP_SportsBook on Twitter to place your bets). Each week on Live from the Middle Urinal—an OK-at-best podcast you certainly should(n’t) listen to—myself and fellow degenerate sports bettors Dom, Rob, and Phil give you our…LOCKS OF THE WEEK. After going 4-0 (Matt) and 2-2 (Dom), now we’re committing to 16 weeks of pickin’ LOCKS for the boys. Make sure you listen each week—we give extra picks in the pod!
So far, we’re 10-9-1 on the year and 16-13-1 overall—not bad for guys who don’t know what they’re doing. Now, without further ado, here are our LOCKS OF THE WEEK for NFL Week 8.
Matt (3-4; overall, 7-4)
The Game: Seattle Seahawks at Atlanta Falcons; Sunday, 1:00pm
The Pick: SEA -3.5
Look. I got absolutely boned by that NYG -3 pick last week, so I need a comeback. I’ve gone cold, and I apologize for that. But you know what comes after a cold streak…anyway. The Seahawks got absolutely embarrassed at home by the Ravens last week, and good teams tend to show up after getting beat to shit the week prior. Plus, the Falcons are horrible. This defense couldn’t stop a sixth-grader with a shotgun. You’re telling me they’re going to beat Russell Wilson? No shot. With Dan Quinn 1 week away from losing his job, this is the last time Atlanta is a surefire “bet against them” team. Book it.
Dom (4-3; overall, 6-5)
The Game: Miami Dolphins at Pittsburgh Steelers; Monday, 8:15pm
The Pick: PIT -14.5
When we recorded the pod, we didn’t even know who was the starting QB for the Steelers. But it doesn’t matter. If Vegas really thinks Pittsburgh is still 2 touchdowns better than Miami with Duck Hodges and/or Mason Rudolph under center, that’s good enough for us. Miami is the worst team in the NFL, and the Steelers are coming off a bye and playing at home. This is a great opportunity. If you want, take Dom’s advice and buy the half point down to 14 to make it comfortable. Either way, you’re golden.
Rob (2-1-1; overall, 1-1-1)
The Game: Denver Broncos at Indianapolis Colts; Sunday, 1:00pm
The Pick: IND -6
Rob has the hot hand at the moment, and when he told Dom and I that he liked Indy at home, we gladly climbed aboard the Heezus Express to bet slip city. This is as easy as they come. Denver has given up, stuck with the horrible corpse of Joe Flacco, and traded away its best WR. The Colts, on the other hand, have a competent QB in Jacoby “The Brisket” Brisset, as well as the best offensive line in football. Don’t let the points scare you, the Colts are fired up and well run, and they’re looking to prove everyone wrong—and they’re doing it. All aboard. Book it.
Phil (1-1; overall, 1-1)
The Game: Oakland Raiders at Houston Texans; Sunday, 4:25pm
The Pick: HOU -7
Last week, there was nothing for Houston to do. When you play Indy on a bye week at home, you’re doomed. Your fate has been sealed. But this is a classic bounce back game for Watson and co., and with a relatively depleted Raiders team traveling for the second straight week after getting hosed by the Packers, this shouldn’t be too much trouble to cover a touchdown spread. Houston is 3-2 ATS this year, and this week they’re improving to 4-2 ATS. Book it.
BONUS PICK (3-4)
The Game: Cleveland Browns at New England Patriots; Sunday, 4:25pm
The Pick: NE -13
There are 4 teams favored by 10+ points this week, and the Patriots are the easiest pick of the litter here. At home, 7-0, and playing a Browns team that is clearly still working out the kinks. When they protect Mayfield, they’re able to move the ball and make plays, but this Patriots defense has shown it is more than capable of making opposing QBs uncomfortable (they have 18 INTs in 7 games), especially when their offensive line is as bad as Cleveland’s. The number is high, but with the addition of Mohamed Sanu and the offense starting to hum a little, this one has blowout written all over it.
Every Sunday morning, I’ll be bringing you these picks, so make sure you place all your bets with the WTP Sports Book by DMing us at @WTP_SportsBook on Twitter. Go make some money, folks. And listen to the show on Wednesdays (and Sundays!) anywhere you can find podcasts!