Phillies Manager and Coconut Oil Enthusiast Gabe Kapler Fired After Two Seasons

After a disappointing season, MLB teams and fans frequently overreact. Dodgers fans are calling for Dave Roberts’ head, Joe Madden has been fired, Braves fans want Brian Snitker out of town, everyone is unhappy. 

Apparently, Phillies management heard the cries for heads to roll from the Philly faithful and have fired manager Gabe Kapler after two seasons. 

Kapler had a lot of buzz after excelling as the Dodgers director of player developement from 2014 to 2016, and was even rumored to be one of the frontrunners for the Dodgers managerial position in 2016 before losing out to Dave Roberts. Kapler instead found his name being called for the Phillies managers spot after the 2017 season. Things got off to a bit rocky start, as during Kapler’s introductory press conference, he was immediately grilled about his love of jacking off with the help of coconut oil. Yes, that was a real question asked. 

Kapler was an odd ball of a manager. Not knowing who he was bringing into games while on the way to make pitching changes  , fights in the clubhouse over fortnite ,Dude didnt really have a handle on the team

For two straight seasons, the Phillies had tremendous expectations and, in two straight seasons, collapsed down the stretch and finished with barely 80 wins. Phillies top brass said, “This dude must be jerking off with coconut oil all over the clubhouse and is making our players shitty. Get that guy out of here.” and fired Kapler this morning.  

While the Kapler experiment definitely didn’t work out in Philadelphia, The former big leaguer will almost certainly find his way to another team. MLB teams have incredibly short memories when it comes to hiring managers (see Ron Gardenhire and Brad Ausmus). In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if Kapler is managing the Angels come next season. The only thing Mike Trout could use some help with is his coconut oil intake, and Kapler is just the man for the job. 

But, as of now, Major League Baseball number one masturbation advocate is out of a job. 

Photo: Kyle Ross/Icon Sportswire


Leave a Reply

Powered by

Up ↑

%d bloggers like this: