Yahoo — A Boston Red Sox fan who lives in Los Angeles woke up the day after his favorite team won the World Series in a situation much different than he expected: He was in the hospital, many of his teeth missing, with a fractured nose and five stab wounds.
Josh Davis, 36, says he was attacked by a group of Los Angeles Dodgers fans Sunday night, following the Red Sox’s World Series win at Dodger Stadium.
Well, folks, it seems that the more things change, the more they stay the same. My guy was just trying to celebrate a World Series win (for the 4th time since ’04, just sayin’), and this is what happens. This whole thing sounds sort of similar to what happened in 2011 to Bryan Stow. If you recall, he was beaten an inch from his life at Dodger Stadium by a group of hooligans who gave him permanent brain damage. It’s a sad tale.
Fortunately, our pal Joshy over here isn’t in that sort of condition. According to the reports, it looks like he’s in a stable condition. But, nonetheless, my guy was stabbed FIVE TIMES, apparently, for just wearing Red Sox gear. The stories are saying a pair of LA fans approached him and said something along the lines of, “Get your shit outta here, this is Dodger country,” before brutally assaulting him.
Now, I could go on and on about what a bunch of pricks the Dodgers fans are and how they’re a bunch of fair-weather basketball fans who just attach themselves to anything with an LA logo on it that is remotely successful, but I’m a better man than that so I’m not going to do it. I’m not going to sit here and say most of them wouldn’t know how many stitches are on a baseball if Steve Pearce himself smashed one off his bat into their face (it’s 108, by the way, no need to Google it). But that would be making assumptions about a relatively large group of people based on the actions of a few idiots. So, I won’t do that. Props to me.
What I will do is say this:
No. 1, stabbing someone is an all-time lame ass move. Bringing a knife to a match of fisticuffs is purely despicable, even if said fisticuffs match is unplanned and essentially a jumping/robbery. If you’re going to come up to me, staring me in the eyes, and challenge me to a good old-fashioned battle of Ro Sham Beaux, you best come correct because Walker and Texas Ranger over here mean business. It’s bad enough these two idiots couldn’t take down my guy Josh mano y mano, let alone have to resort to such an uncivilized way of fighting. Knives? Gross. Go chop an onion.
No. 2, who in the hell is out there saying “Dodger Country”? Really?! In the town with more transplant fans than anywhere else in the world? Is this a thing that people actually say? Because if that’s so, we’re looking at a serious case of this-needs-to-be-workshopped. As they say in the biz, “let’s circle back to that.” Also, is this referring to the greater geographic area of LA, or the stadium itself? If someone ever says, “This is Red Sox Country,” let me know so I can smack ‘em upside the head myself. No wonder this team has dropped 2 straight World Series losses. Good lord.
Josh, I wish the best to you in your recovery. Thanks for being a goddamn tank and taking on 2 dudes with knives. That’s an OG. If you read this, hit me up on Twitter. I’m making sure you get a shirt or something.
P.S. Live from the Middle Urinal dropped today. It’s a good one. I advise doing a peep-a-rino on this one. You can listen below, or on Apple Podcasts or Spotify or Google Play.