Tiger Woods was arrested over the weekend for DUI, another sad chapter in the pathetic downfall of a legend.  At one point in his career the golf debate was whether or not Tiger would break the all time record.  We all assumed it was Jack Nicklaus’s record being referring to; then Tiger’s sex life became public fodder and it turned out to be Wilt Chamberlain’s record he was taking a stab at.  Woods publicly admitted he “suffered” from a sex addiction that led to him getting laid about 50 times a week.  I recall it being the only illness I’ve ever read about that caused me to exclaim, “How the %$$ do I get that?  I don’t want a mild case of it either; I want to be stricken with this shit.”

Tiger got himself back together but was never the same golfer.  This weekend he again turned his life into a punch line.  The police report stated that after pulling Woods over “he began acting arrogant.”   I assume the transcript was cut off and the full version reads “Woods began acting arrogant in 1995.”  Woods refused to take a breathalyzer test which results in an automatic loss of license – or in Tiger Woods’ case, free limousine rides for the next year.

Woods released a statement claiming that “alcohol was not involved… I took a bad mix of prescription drugs.”  A mix which apparently forces a person to wake up at 3:00 AM, stumble out to their car and then drive through the neighborhood swerving all over the road knocking a bunch of shit over.  Woods went on to say, “It will not happen again.”   I believe him at least for the next year since he won’t be driving.


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